was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize