I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
