My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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