And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
