Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
