I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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