Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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