My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
