Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
