did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
