if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
