I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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