I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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