how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
