Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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