I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
