just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize