I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
