Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
