we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
