Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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