i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
