OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
