She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
