i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
