Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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