As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize