drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
