Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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