It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
