just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
