Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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