evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
