Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
