he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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