There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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