Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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