You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
