i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
