You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
