At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
