I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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