carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
