Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Where is the hickey?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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