what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i've created a new STD.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
