your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize