I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
