I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
