New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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