would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
