So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
