apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
