Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
