So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
