Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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