It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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