just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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