I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
