Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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