I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
