I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You can't just leave with hair like that
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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