Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
