She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
