its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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