I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
