He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
