how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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