Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
