I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
