Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize