so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
