I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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