I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
