I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
