Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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