Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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