I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
the raccoons are back...
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