I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
