there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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