Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he shaved USA in his pubs
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
