do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize