I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
