I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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