The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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