My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
