I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize