yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
