Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
