the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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