I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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