he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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