At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
