u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
