I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
