Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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