grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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