You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize