I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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