apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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