i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
