its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
