my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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