your parents love me but you hate me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
