You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You made out with two different species that night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize