If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
