You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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