he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize