she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
