$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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