at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
