420 ftw
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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