she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
