I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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