Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize